Skin Disease of the Month

Harlequin-type Ichthyosis.

It makes Necrotizing Fasciitis look like a cold sore.

Google image it at your own risk.

When in Rome...

In Viet Nam there are a number of traditions that are followed within the ebb and flow of the lunar calendar. For example, on the first and fifteenth days of the lunar month the landlady will lay out offerings of food, rice wine, cigarettes, scotch, flowers and the like on the altar that sits on the top floor of our house. This is to promote prosperity and good fortune within the household.

Recently Cristina and I took part in a small ritual to rid our body of insects. Last week one of the locals informed us that on the fifth day of the fifth month (of the lunar calendar) we should eat lychees and plums before noon "to get rid of the insects" in our body. We weren't sure what this meant, and several possible interpretations (none of which seemed pleasant) were discussed, but the rather sizable language barrier that we face when talking to the locals prevented any sort of firm understanding of what was supposed to happen or why.

Fortunately, Hang (pronounced "hung") a recent addition to the teachers' house was able to clue us in, as she is both a native of Hai Phong and fluent in English (believe you me when I say this comes in handy at times). The insects referred to actually meant parasitic worms, and Hang suggested that instead of eating lychees and plums we eat sticky rice cooked with wine to rid ourselves of them, a more traditional de-worming dish.

So we did.

(But only after the rice was placed on the altar for about twenty minutes to get its mojo working.)

Rules Change In The East

It has been said by more than one expat that there are no traffic laws in Vietnam. But although red lights are routinely ignored, driving down the opposite side of the street into oncoming traffic is considered acceptable, and that during rush hour intersections generally resemble one of Dante's circles of hell, it is not entirely accurate to say that there are no rules governing traffic.

Here are the few that I've figured out:

1) The main responsibility of the driver is to avoid hitting anything directly in front of them.

2) The horn is used (almost ceaselessly) to indicate that you are behind someone and are driving faster than they are.

3) Bigger vehicles trump smaller vehicles unless the smaller vehicles have enough maneuverablity and speed to avoid being pasted by the larger vehicle.

4) Generally speaking you never stop unless, a) you choose to stop at a red light, b) death will occur if you don't stop. This is especially true if you are a pedestrian attempting to cross a street. Instead you either speed up or slow down, and if you are driving a vehicle you can change direction. If you are a pedestrian and you choose to change direction in the middle of traffic this is tantamount to playing Russian roulette.



This is what it looks like to drive into oncoming traffic, from the perspective of a mortal (i.e. me) on the back of a motorbike.

Necrotizing Fasciitis

Whatever you do...do NOT perform a Google image search of Necrotizing Fasciitis.

You've been warned.

Three fragments regarding fruit

First one:

I was asking for limes from a fruit vendor who speaks a little English, and when I saw a basket of them I pointed and said, "Limes."

"No, no," she said, "lemons."

Having quartered more than a few limes in my life, I felt reasonably assured in telling her, "In English, they are called limes."

"No," she said, "they are lemons."

And there it is. Now when I need limes, I ask for lemons.

Second one:

They have green oranges here.

Third one:

2 shots of rice vodka

3 oz orange juice

1 1/2 oz pineapple juice

1 tbs peach nectar
Pour over ice, top with club soda and garnish with a lime wedge.
Call it whatever you want; I call it a Saigon Sling.

The Dog Meat Chronicles, part 1

A few things about eating dog meat:

The funkiest thing about the meal wasn't actually the dog meat itself but the sauce that is used on the side for dipping, muom tom. Muom tom is a sauce made from shrimp paste that I suspect goes through some sort of fermentation process as it certainly stings the nostrils. Muom dom is a greyish lavendar color, which I found a tad disconcerting as well. Fortunately my hosts provided me with a dish of salt, lime juice, and chiles to use as an alternative.

The locals eat dog meat at the end of the lunar month in order to deflect trouble and bad luck. It is unlucky to eat dog meat at the beginning of the month. They also like to eat dog meat when it rains.

It is known in Vietnam as "thit cho" and is pronounced "teet chaw" (which is also the same way the students at school pronounce the word "teacher").

Three different preparations of dog meat: on the bottom is stewed dog meat, above that is roasted dog meat, to the right is dog liver and sausage. At the top of the picture is a dish of muom tom. Later in the meal dog meat on the bone that had been simmered in some sort of broth also came out.


The dog stew was my favorite part of the meal and was quite good in a slow-cooked meat sort of way. The roasted dog was good except for the skin, which was much tougher and chewier than I expected.

These are my hosts and meal companions. That's Hoan (American name: Carlos) and Mr. Tien, the boss men, on the right. The other three are security guards at the school.

The meal was accompanied with what they called rice wine, but although they served it in wine size portions I'm pretty sure that any distilled spirit that rates at 70 proof would be more accurately called liquor. The guy on the left is the only one in this group who can handle his drink. It was his job to make sure the glasses stayed full (note the 2 liter jug at his feet).

They assured me that at the next dog meat party dog testicles would be served.

Different strokes for different folks

Since the students in my English classes like to listen to music, I usually try to play a song in each class and center an activity around it. So far the success rate for bringing in music from my collection that they actually enjoy has been pretty low (low being around .1 - .2 percent, note the decimal points).

Artists that my students do not like:

Pink Martini
Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
The Kinks
Bob Marley
The Temptations
Neil Young

Comments for these artists have ranged from, "This music is very bad" to "I think this music is horrible."

Artists most requested by my students:

Brittney Spears
Justin Timberlake
Rihanna
Lincoln Park

This has been one of the most difficult aspects of my job.